A Vampy Vacation
by CloudRox1
Summary: The Simpsons meet Buffy the winning combination! ::OLD FIC. HIATUS::
1. The Beginning

A Vampy Vacation Pt 1, the Prologue

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This idea came to me in a dream, and I hope U all like it 'cos I think it stinks. R+R is appreciated.  If there is ANY way I could improve on this piece of garbage please tell me.

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"Homer!"

Homer opened one bleary eye. "Meh?"

 "Get up, Homer, it's time for church! I WILL NOT have an argument this Sunday!" Marge stood in her Sunday best, pulling on his arm indignantly.

"Meh." he said, closing his eyes again. Lousy church, he thought. Lousy god. 

   With a huge tug, Marge pulled her husband out of bed and threw his clothes at him. 

"Get dressed. I'm going to make sure you don't embarrass the family today."  

"Yeah Dad, they're finally having the church raffle today!" Lisa remarked, passing by the door, already dressed. "I want to know if I can win the Malibu Stacy Wish Pony!"

"Hey Homer, hurry up! There's a 'Violent Stickdeath II' game up for grabs in that raffle, and I wanna get there early enough to grab it from the prize table before anyone sees!"

"Bart! You'll do no such thing. Look, Homer just hurry up, I need to drop Maggie off with Ms. Glick, and you never know, you might find something you like in the raffle too..." Marge said, exasperated. Homer stood up in his underpants, tugging on his pants. He paused.

"Phffft. At church? Don't make me laugh, Marge."

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"Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh! FREE PLANE TICKETS!" Homer was dancing around like a little kid in front of the prize table. He read the little sign that was next to the tickets. "'Win these tickets and fly free to Sunnydale in the USA!' Oh, Marge, can I get a raffle ticket, pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?" 

Marge rolled her eyes, and delved into her purse. "Right, OK, here's $5 each, now don't go spending it all in on-"

"Thanks Mom!"

"Thanks Mom!"

"Thanks Marge!"

And the rest of the family zoomed off, leaving Marge standing in the middle of the rapidly filling room. She shook her head and took out $5 for herself. Now, she thought, Maybe I'll see how lucky I am with the raffle..."

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Sorry, I know this is REALLY short, but then again it's only the taster, the good stuff is yet to come...

R+R is appreciated, I really want to know what people think of this.  Before anyone says it, yes, it's gonna be a _Buffy_/_Simpsons crossover and yes, I know that it doesn't have much to do with Buffy at the moment, but be patient!                _


	2. The Tickets

Disclaimer: I own nothing (unfortunately!) except the storyline.

Notes: This chappy is a little longer that the other, so PLEASE review, 'cos otherwise I won't write anymore and I'll throw myself off a bridge. 

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A Vampy Vacation Pt. 2: The Start of a New Adventure 

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After buying 2 raffle tickets each, the family settled down at a gaudy red plastic seating area in the corner, with Styrofoam cups of...well, some kind of liquid.

"Mom, what is this crud?"

"Bart!" Marge said indignantly, "Don't call it crud."

"Well, what is it then Mom?" Lisa asked.

"Well, It said 'Danger; coffee' on the vat they got it from, but I'm sure it's drinkable anyway..."

"Eeeeewwww, I'm not drinking this crud!" Homer winced.

"Honestly, Homer I just told Bart off for saying that and then you-"

"Whatever, I'll be at Moe's." Homer began to heave himself off the too-small plastic chair.

"Homer..."

"Wait, Dad, don't go yet! You might win the raffle!"

"Oh yeah! The Sunnydale tickets!" Homer grinned. He looked over at the prize table, and his face fell.

"Awwwww, Marge, look! Churchy La Femme's gonna win the tickets!" He wailed.

Marge looked over and saw Ned Flanders buying a ticket.

"Oh, Homie so what? Lots of people bought tickets! Just because Ned bought one doesn't mean he's gonna win!"

" ALOT of people bought tickets? Ohhh."

"Homer, please..."

Suddenly, Rev. Lovejoy's voice on a microphone over the noise of the church interrupted them.

"AND NOW FOLKS IT'S THE TIME YOU ALL BEEN WAITING FOR, IT'S THE PRIZE-GIVING TIME!"

"Oh, quick, everyone get out your tickets!" Marge whispered excitedly.

"Why bother? Flanders'll win. God_ likes_ him, Mr. pray-a-lot-and-make-everyone-else-look-bad."

"Homer, I'm only gonna say this once." Marge gave Homer a look that could have frozen cooking bacon. "I-"

But she was cut off by the loudspeaker again. 

"OK, THE WINNER OF THE 'VIOLENT STICKMEN II' VIDEO GAME IS...305! I REPEAT, TICKET NUMBER 305!"

"Oh, joy!" cried Martin Prince, jumping up from the crowd to claim his prize.

"D'oh!" Bart hissed through clenched teeth. "I knew I shoulda swiped it off the table!"

"AND NEXT THE..."

And so it went on for an hour. Bart nearly fell asleep in the potato chips and Lisa was no better. Marge was enjoying it and listening intently. Homer was drooling on the table and snoring loudly, his cheek slathered in dip. 

"AND THE FINAL ITEM UP FOR A LUCKY WINNER, OUR GRAND PRIZE, _FREE TICKETS TO SUNNYDALE_! THE LUCKY WINNER IS..."

Otto played a quick drum roll on the table. Reverend Lovejoy gave him the Evil Eye(he could do it pretty well for a religious guy), cleared his throat and leaned into the microphone again. 

"As I was saying, THE WINNER OF THE PLANE TICKETS IS…666! I REPEAT, TICKET NUMBER 666!"

Homer looked down at his ticket. Suddenly it dawned on him. He gasped. "WOOO- HOOO!!!!!!! I WON! I WON! In your FACE, Flanders!!!! I WIN!!!" Homer shouted gleefully, running up from the back corner to the stage. 

"Here you are, Homer, congratulations for winning our gra-"

"Enough congarats already, just gimmie the tickets!" Homer said impatiently. 

A little peeved, Rev. Lovejoy gave him the tickets. 

"WOO-HOO!"

Homer returned back to his family, estatic.

"The Simpsons are going to Sunnydale!" he yelled happily.

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	3. The Plot Thickens

Disclaimer: OK, here we go… I do not own any _Simpsons, Buffy, or any other characters, they are all trademarks of their respective owners i.e.: Mutant Enemy etc…_

OK?? OK?? HAPPY NOW????????? Geez.

PLEASE review, I only got 3 REVIEWS for BOTH my other chappies put together, If you do not review I will cry, and my stories will get really, really, REALLY bad, and you wouldn't want that now, would you?

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"Hey Homer, these seats suck!" 

Bart moaned, staring at the seats across the isle. The Simpsons were seated right on the isle, nowhere near the window. 

"Bart! Watch your language!" Marge snapped. She was tense anyway; plane always made her feel tense, and was NOT in a good mood. 

Suddenly, the intercom buzzed into life. 

"OK, folks, we're just about to take off on our way to Sunnydale, LA, so if you could just Belt Up, than we'll be on our way...*CLICK*"

Marge said to Lisa, "I hope your father behaves himself this time. I don't want a repeat of our trip to the Amish Country..."

FLASHBACK

*homer is splatting ice-cream cones onto everyone and everything.

"Look Marge! They're still not fightin' back! Hee-hee! I can be a jerk and NO ONE CAN STOP ME!"

A horse then kicks him and knocks him flying.*

END FLASHBACK

"Hhhmmmmm."

"Don't worry, Mom. Dad's really excited about this; I don't think he'll blow it." Lisa comforted.

*****   *****   *****

"Are we nearly there yet?"

"No."

"Are we nearly there yet?"

"No."

"Are we nearly there yet?"

"NO!"

"Are we nearly- *gack-gack*"

"Homer!"

"But Marge, the boy was driving me nuts!"

"Both of you stop!"

Homer released Bart's neck. 

"Yes, Marge."

"Yes Mom."

"(are we nearly there yet?)"

"ARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! NOOOOOOO-Oh, wait, yes."

The plane was flying over Sunnydale, and Homer FINALLY noticed that they were the only passengers on board. Maggie finally woke up. 

She had had a seat ALL TO HERSELF, Bart thought, and she had slept all the way!

"OK, folks, we're coming into land, the current time is...well, pretty much 9:00pm.  Enjoy your holiday!...Come on Phil, let's get the hell outta here before the v-...oh, heh, heh, I forgot to turn it off...*CLICK*"

When the plane landed, the Simpson family disembarked and left the airport.

They passed a large, brightly coloured sign that said,

[WELCOME TO SUNNYDALE. ]

"We're here!" Homer remarked.

"Finally." replied Bart. "Have we got a room, Home-boy?"

 Homer started. "Er, lets see, tickets, tickets, tickets...D'OH!"

"Oh, calm down, Homer, I've got the tickets." tutted Marge 

"Woo-hoo!"

"OK, we're staying at the Hilton Hotel, near the cemetery. Lets go!"

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"Mom, This place is creepy. Seriously." Bart observed.

Yeah, Marge. Can we pick up the pace?" said Homer nervously.

"Now, Homer, Bart, this is the quickest way to the hotel according to the map, and we really need to get there…"

"Mom? Don't take this personally, but  your expression doesn't fill me with confidence."

Not surprising, as Marge could see what the others couldn't.

3 Vampires, closing fast.

All of them screamed. The vampires muttered amongst themselves as they advanced.

"I get the fat one."

"No way! You always get the good ones! I'll probably get the mom."

"Look, d'you want the kid?"

"Nah. Too stringy. Kids always are, especially the school-y type, and the girl looks like that..."

"What about the boy?"

"Nah. I told you, nuthin' beats a good fatty-pants."

"Fine, let's share the big guy."

"Agreed."

"Agreed."

"Agreed!"

The vamps smiled and began to advance on Homer, who screamed and cowered like a big baby.

The first Vamp had just reached Homer and was about to sink in his fangs when suddenly he exploded into dust. The other 2 went the same way within a matter of minutes. The dust rose and fell in dust devils.

           When it cleared, the Simpsons were amazed to see what they least expected.

         A teenage girl with a sharp wooden stake in her hand.

              ***********************************************************************

OK, look, sorry about this but I couldn't think of any other way to introduce Buffy to this story. Feedback is VERY MUCH appreciated; even if you hated it please review and tell me why. I will give reviews mentions in my disclaimers and send you and E-mail! PLEASE! TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK; I REALLY AM INTERESTED! If you like Buffy and have played Final Fantasy 7 then please read my other fic, a parody of 'Once More, with Feeling' entitled 'Once More, in Midgar'. 


	4. The Teen

**Hello again! Heres another chappy in this series crossover, and we ARE getting to the good bit. OK, I hope you enjoy the next installment **

**MUTANT ENEMY&MATT GROINING: Hey! Do your disclimer!**

**SUPER-STAR: Oh, don't make me…**

**MUTANT ENEMY&MATT GROINING: DO IT!**

**SUPER-STAR: FINE!** I do not own Buffy, the Simpsons and any other references to anyone else is for MY amusment and not yours. **Happy now??**

**MATT G.: Very.**

**SUPER-STAR: *incoherent grumblings* Just get on with the story. *sneaks up behind matt and drags him off backstage where she already has the mutant enemy tied up…***

"Who are you?" both Marge and the teenager said.

"You first," Marge said politely.

"You're not from around here, are you?"

"er…"

"If you were, you'd KNOW not to walk through the cemetery at night…mind you, some locals don't get that either…" 

Bart looked at the girl amazed.

"How the HELL did you DO that?" He yelled.

"Heh, heh. What…"

"Don't play games with us! That thing with the vamps, and the wood and the whole 'poof' thing what the HELL was that???" Bart scowled, but his eyes shone with anticipation.

"Er…magic?"

"Yeah…Riiiiigggghhhhhttttttt."

"Look, can I just say that it's not something…I…like to…discuss?"

"Yeah, _Right_, like I'm gonna fall for that. Tell me the truth. What the HELL WAS THAT?????"

"OK, I guess…here it goes _again_…Got a minute?"

"Actually…We-"

"_Mom_!"

"But if we miss check-in time then where are we supposed to stay?"

"I guess you could stay at ours…"

"COOL! We get to stay at a loony's house!" Homer yelled.

"HOMER! How dare you embarrass me like this?!?!"

"Oh," The teen laughed. "I got a little sister. I KNOW what embarrassment is."

"Thanks! Gee, It's nice to find someone else who knows how I feel." Marge sighed happily. "But hey! We still don't know you're name…"

The teen laughed again.

"Buffy. Buffy Summers."

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So, what do you think? PLEASE review. If you don't, WHY THE HELL DID YOU READ THIS???

I really wanna know what you think of this chappy/story!


	5. Review Replies

A Vampy Vacation: Review Replies!

hey, sorry everyone, I guess I've been putting these off. Well, the time has come. Soooo...REVIEW REPLIES!

CHAPTER 1

Firefly99: Thanks! I will try, promise!

Lisa Ann: well, the updates here! ^^;

earthworm: hey, thanks! I'm trying, honest!

Kimmie3: Pity that, not seen Buffy? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??? but thanks for keeping reading, appreciate it.

CHAPTER 2

Solar Princess: The wait is over!

Kimmie3: no, it wasn't a coincidence! ^_~ And thanks, I've been tying to keep them IC!

CHAPTER 3

earthworm: Yes. It sucks MAJORLY. But I'm glad you liked Buffy's entrance. God knows I didn't XD!

Buffy the Simpsons Fanatic: Sorry about the place names! I'd just watched Angel! It was in my mind!! SORRY!!! And hmm...I'll consider your idea, it sounds great! but if you want one, then read www. icybrian.com /fanfic/ffsimpson.html (_just take away the space from between www. and icybrian, it's the only way FF.net would let me post it_), you sound like you'll like it! And no, it's NOT mine, I would KILL to be able to write like that! And maybe if you LUUUV Cloud, then you should email Firefly99 about the CLU. Go on, ask her! haboism@yahoo.co.uk!

Kimmie3: Yeah, I'm pretty proud of the Amish thing. And the vampires! Glad you liked it! ^____^

CHAPTER 4

earthworm: yeah. yeah, it was short. Sorry to disappoint.

Simpfan: Well, actually, I think you'll find that Marge DOES scold Bart for 'Foul Language'. If you don't know that, then you AREN'T a true 'Simpfan' at all! _

And I'm sorry if you thought Homer was OOC. I thought I had him IC, but you ARE entitled to an opinion...But I think that the old saying 'If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all' comes to mind.

Solar Princess: Glad you liked it! But, uh, you MIGHT have to wait a bit longer, sorry; I'm concentrating on an origific at the moment. Fanfiction is eroding my brain...

Kimmie3: ^__^ Another person liked my fic! Wait, you've reviewed every chappy now! ^___^ Thankies!

Luisia3: As long as you have a basic knowledge of_ Buffy_, you'll get along in this fic, don't worry. I'm glad you liked it! I will update, but it might not be for a while. *sniff*

Shadow's Girl12: *blink* wow, you liked it that much, huh? well, unfortunately, I repeat, I will update, but it might not be for a while. *sniff*

Jesse MacLean: .....

yes. I had been told before, and I apologise AGAIN for this mistake! What, do I need to put a disclaimer at the top now or something??? Sorry, just had to get that off MY chest. ^_^ Thanks for saying its funny! And my GOD, are you a mind reader? That's what I was going to do! Weird.....

How did the Simpsons recognise the vampires? Well, I was thinking that they'd have seen horror movies and things, and yes; vampires don't all look like Dracula, but Buffy vampires DO look sorta.....vamp-y.....yeah?? Work with me here! 

..... (nice name!): Glad you liked it and *ahem* I will update, but it might not be for a while. *sniff* 

Sister Of Darkness: *blink* wow, you're lol-ing a lot aren't you? Was it really that funny? ^__^ ;_; sorry, but you WILL have to wait*cries* because *ahem* I will update, but it might not be for a while. *sniff* (I just love cut-and-paste, don't you! ^___^) ;_;

OK that's all for the reviews so far. From now on at the beginning of each chapter, there will be a short Review Replies section for new reviews!  And, again, I apologise for saying that LA is the state that Buffy lives in. I now know thanks to many reviewers telling me that she lives in California and LA isn't a state. Thank you.

Yours;

CloudRox1 (authoress) 

~*~


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